Silly Me...

So, I'm pregnant. And approaching week 15. Up until last week I had not had one ounce of morning sickness. Not one. I remember going to bed one night around week 6 and feeling a little nauseated, but nothing happened. So every time someone would ask me how I was feeling, I always answered with a cherry "Great! No morning sickness at all!" And then last week happened.

It was ugly. And not fun. And I was knocked on my butt for an entire day, not able to keep even saltines and Vernor's down. I even had to call my poor husband home from work to come and get the baby to take him to school. It was all I could do to make it into the bathroom each hour for another round of puking.

So silly me. Not only did I think I was fortunate enough to avoid morning sickness altogether, I also thought that morning sickness meant you threw up like one time a day and that was it. No one told me about this all-day stuff.

Don't Laugh...

Ok, it's official. Now that I am 30, I am officially old. Not just because of my age, but because I am now driving a minivan. I, too, was one of the people who swore it would never happen to me. I was certain that all new minivans came with a bottle of Geritol and a box of depends, but the good ol' salesguy at Monroe Dodge proved me wrong (Uncle Scott).

We decided to go with the van for all of the kid-friendly features (DVD players, stow and go, lots of leg room, etc). And it really is much easier for me to get our two-year-old in and out of the van as opposed to the Cherokee with didn't have much room in the backseat once the baby seat was in there. I'll admit, I kinda like the van now that I have it. I am just disappointed that I don't get to drive the Jeep anymore, which was much more stylish and still said "young" or at least "probably under 40."

So here it is, my new ride.

Is it ok for working moms to hire a cleaning person?

I’ve wrestled with the idea of hiring a cleaning person for sometime now. First, let me admit that I have used a cleaning person in the past. Prior to JJ’s arrival, I worked in a position where I was required to work 12-hour days, starting at 2:00 in the morning (believe it or not I worked as a production supervisor in an automotive factory – yeah, cute little me in a big nasty factory). I was so exhausted by the time I returned home that I hit the shower, grabbed a bite to eat, and went to bed for the night. During this time I did hire a cleaning person to come to the house once a week and do more of the in-depth cleaning that I did not have time for.

Since returning to the corporate world and becoming a mama, I find that I still don’t have time for the good scrub-down the house needs every now and then. As it stands I work 8-hours a day away from the home. My commute is 45-min each way and I generally return home a little before 6:00 each evening. JJ goes to bed at 8:00 and it is hard to find time to spend with him and still get done the housework that is staring me in the face.

Kids are messy – especially two-year-olds. I am constantly washing blankets that have been pissed on, pillows with spilled milk stains, and carpet that is home to crumbled goldfish crackers and fruit-flavored cheerios. It is all I can do to vacuum the carpets, throw in some laundry, and wipe down the counters while feeding, bathing, and playing with JJ. I am convinced that hiring a cleaning person to come in once a week will alleviate some of my at-home-duties and free up time that I could use to spend with my little guy. Besides, given my time constraints, the cleaning person will probably do a better, more thorough job than I am able to do anyway.

Reasons #17 & 18 That We Are Crappy Parents

You know those people who take their kids to restaurants? The ones who have kids who aren’t good and they cry and fuss and make loud noises while you are paying good money to enjoy a nice, relaxing dinner with your husband? We are now those people.
As a general rule, Jerret doesn’t like to take Jack to restaurants. He hates feeling guilty for ruining other people’s meals so we usually just get take-out and eat at home. Well, Wednesday was JJ’s “gotcha day” and I insisted we go out to dinner to celebrate. (For those of you not in the adoption community – “Gotcha Day” is actually the day you take your baby home to be with your family forever. It’s like a 2nd birthday since you weren’t there for the actual birth day, you now have your own little day to celebrate.)

Because we live on the ghetto-fied East Side of the river, there aren’t any restaurants to choose from. Strike that. There aren’t any NICE restaurants to choose from. I’m sure we could have easily went to one of the 3 Taco Bells or had burgers at Rally’s or something, but we chose one of the two sit-down restaurants in town and went to Applebee’s.

So we went to the restaurant trying to have a nice celebration dinner and Jack was not having any of it. He refused to sit in the high chair, refused to sit in the booth, tried climbing on the table about 2 dozen times, refused to eat, fussed and cried loudly and was drawing unwanted attention and stares until we finally gave up. He won. Our kid does not know how to behave in a restaurant and was ruining the dinner of those sitting around us – so we left. I was sad and disappointed that we didn’t celebrate our big Gotcha Day, but Jerret seemed more upset that we can’t control our kid. After thinking about it, I realized that it is our fault, which brings me to reason #18 we are bad parents…we don’t sit down and eat together every night like we should.

When we were first married, Jerret and I sat at the table and had dinner together every night. I would cook, we had dinner, and Jerret would clean up. A good trade-off, I thought. But after a year or so the novelty wore off and our nightly dinners became more of an “eat when you’re ready,” or sit-in-the-living room-and-relax while you eat [if you want] kind of time.

Before we had Jack we promised that we would go back to eating together at the table, but it hasn’t really happened. Once in a while we will all eat together, but often it is only one of us sitting with Jack while he eats and we scarf down what we can. Our trip out the other night reinforced the fact that we need to change our habits. It is time to go back to sitting together and having an actual dinner-time. And I understand that this may not always be possible every night, as we may be eating on the run or not all home at the same time, but the goal is to make these occasions the exceptions to the rule and not the norm. And then we can cross #18 off the list.

Grocery Store Tantrums

They’ve started. Perhaps a sign of the impending “terrible twos”, we suddenly find ourselves dealing with a 22-month-old that has decided he can throw a tantrum and get whatever it is that he wants. And we, being the novice parents that we are, have been too quick to give in to his antics.

Jack has become really good at throwing temper tantrums in the grocery store. I wanted him to sit in the cart like a good little boy, yet he had other ideas. He either wanted out, wanted me to hold him, or wanted to sit in the basket, and would wriggle around in the seat crying until I paid attention. I strapped him down. He figured out a way to suck his little tummy in so far that he could slip right out of the strap and then stand up in the seat followed by a quick lunge for my neck where he could grab on and hang for dear life. I put him back in the seat and strapped him down again. He screamed and did the tummy suck/quick stand/neck lunge until he was again a free bird. I’d walk a few steps with Jack clinging to my neck and would stop to put him back in the seat. He’d scream. People stared. Random women walked up to warn me “he’s gonna fall!” as if I weren’t 6 inches away from the kid, and acutely aware that he wasn’t sitting in the damn cart. I wanted to tear my hair out, or fall to the ground and have a tantrum of my own, or both. We repeated this episode 5 or 6 times with my patience getting thinner with each round. I finally realized that this was insane and we were either going to leave the store without our groceries, or I was going to figure out how to keep the boy entertained.

I was so stressed out by this point and was trying hard to ignore all of the prying eyes staring at this mom who couldn’t control her kid. I ran over to the baby food aisle and opened a box of fruit snacks right there. I let him eat three packs as I finished shopping and loaded up the car.

Our trips to the grocery store have become much less stressful. I have found a few tricks that work with our son and will keep him content long enough for mommy to do her shopping and make it out of the store with all hairs still intact. So I have put together a small list of ways to keep your toddler happy when venturing out.

1. Take a small shopping cart. You know the little, light-weight toddler-sized carts? Let your little one help you shop by allowing them to put some groceries in their cart as well. The kids will love helping mom and will stay entertained as they search for their special items. Pottery Barn makes a really cute one you can find here.

2. Keep a bag of snacks in your purse. Try to pack something that you don’t usually give for a snack at home and make it a “special” snack. We don’t like to give Jack certain foods, but he loves cheese curls and knows that if he sits in the cart like a good boy, he will get his treat.

3. Look for the carts with the cars on front. Yes, they are hard to steer, but the kids love them. Our grocery store has these incredibly obnoxious carts with red and yellow cars attached where Jack likes to sit and pretend he is driving. He makes the car noises, beeps the horn, and really likes to go fast. If there is an item within his reach I let him get out and grab his groceries and put them in his car.

4. Take a small toy or other item that will keep your child entertained. Right now Jack is obsessed with brushing his teeth. I carry a toothbrush in my purse so we have it everywhere we go. When he becomes restless I pull the toothbrush out and let him brush his teeth for about 10 minutes. Other items that could work: a hair brush, a pretend cell phone, a set of play keys complete with sound for the car alarm.

5. If you have older children, play the coupon game. Give each child 3 coupons for items they must find on their own. My grandma used to let us play this game and my brother and I would run through the store and see who could find their items and make it back to grandma first.

I know that I have it easy now, with only one child to worry about. But my day’s are coming and someday I will be writing about ways to keep 3 or 4 children entertained at the grocery store. Oh, heck – at that point get a sitter!

The Plan

I belong to an adoption forum for parents who have adopted from Kyrgyzstan. Through this board, I have *met* many friends and had both public and private conversations with them on the joys of parenthood and adoption. Many friends from this group have shared their reasons for adopting. Some people are dealing with fertility issues, some are single parents w/out a partner, and others just know that it is God who wants them to adopt and grow their family. Many have shared stories of the negative reactions of friends and family once news of their adoption had gone public.

Adopting has brought us so much joy and love in a way that we would never have known if not for the process. Some adoptive parents who have biological children have said how different it is to adopt than to physically *have* a baby. Not better or worse, just different. A couple of parents have even gone so far as to say they feel sorry for parents who will never experience the joys of adoption and know what it is like to sit back and watch as God orchestrates his master plan to join you with your child who was born to another person, but yet waiting for you. It truly is a miracle.

It's crazy to think about our whole process of dealing with infertility, going through the rigorous and frustrating fertility treatments, and finally realizing - Duh! That's not the plan! It was like a lightbulb suddenly turned on in our heads and made us realize that our baby was already out there waiting for us. Enter JJ - world's cutest boy, living out his days in a tiny orphanage in a third-world country. I can't imagine our lives without him and shudder to think about what would have happened had we not listed to "the plan." I still remember the day we brought him home and my dad and his fiancee came to visit. She said (through tears in her eyes) that it was like he had been with us forever. And she was right.

All that being said, I am still open to working through our infertility issues. I have come to terms and accepted the fact that pregnancy may never happen for us, but don't want to give up trying to add to this family. I think that the best gift we can give to JJ is a brother or sister - heck I'd have 6 kids if I could!! Who knows when and if it all will happen. Let's just hope that we can see the plan clearly this time - whatever it may be.

Victoria's Secret for Kids?

While speaking with a friend recently she mentioned that some [many] of her daughter's friends have been wearing clothing made by Victoria's Secret. The clothing they are wearing is part of the PINK collection that VS offers, which is comprised of mainly outerwear, but the collection does offer underwear, bras, and pajama's as well.

In my neighborhood I have witnessed many teenagers wearing this same type of clothing, and I do own many pieces from this line myself (I am 30). But the girls I am speaking of are 8 and 9 years old. Yes, that's right, 8- and 9-year-old little girls are wearing VS clothing out in public. No, VS has not started a children's clothing line. Instead, mother's are purchasing pieces from the women's line (size x-tra small) and giving the clothes to their daughters.

Perhaps I am old fashioned, but isn’t VS clothing made for adults? I took a chance that I may be wrong here and looked it up. According to the VS press- release from the line’s launch in 2004, the PINK collection is made to cater to 18-to 22-year olds, which I found surprising because I would have thought they were at least aiming at the teen market. So at this time, VS does not make clothing specifically for kids, but if they did would you let your girls wear it?

I think that the major issue (and perhaps the reason VS has NOT come out with a children's line) is that in many people's minds Victoria's Secret = Lingerie. And although these pieces are mainly outerwear such as sweatshirts, sweatpants, and t-shirts, the co-relation between VS and lingerie still exists. And further, in many people's minds lingerie = promiscuity, putting these little girls in a dangerous position in a world filled with pedophiles and sex offenders. While talking this over with another friend, he mentioned that he does not allow his daughters to wear the sweatpants with words across the butt either. Not having daughters myself, I never thought about this. But he had a valid point – why would he want to draw attention to his daughter’s behind and give people a reason to look at it? Now these are 8- and 9-year-old kids we are talking about, so I am positive they have no idea what message they are sending by wearing such clothing, but is their choice in clothing really sending a negative message to others? Knowing that little girls are wearing these clothes makes me not want to even buy the clothes for myself. I do not need to be wearing the same thing as 8- and 9-year-olds!

In this day and age where children are growing up entirely too fast, we must do everything in our power to preserve their youth and their innocence. Let them be innocent - Or in the words of Billy Dean "Let them be little. Because they're only that way for a while."